Bruises on my shoulders

When I was younger I used to play soccer. I didn't have much skill, but I had a tactic that made me appear much better than I was: Whenever those moments would come where someone on the other team had the ball, and he or she stopped to think about where to kick it and everybody sort of stood still to wait, I would charge. I'd just run, clumsily and fast at the person. This would either make he/she kick it without proper contemplation (often into my shin.. a downfall to my tactic) or falter and allow me to kick the ball instead. This made me look bold and daring, and also feel bold and daring, overlooking the fact that I lacked any further skill in the sport.

So what?

I am convinced the majority of Madrid pedestrians, who seem to be 80% elderly women under 5 foot but with unnaturally strong frames, have stolen this tactic from my 12-year old self.

What do I mean?

I walk around this city a lot, and am still not used to how Spaniards walk. I'm not sure if they lack that sense most of us have that tells us that other people are near.. maybe they need whiskers.. but people have literally walked straight into me before. I sometimes feel like I'm dancing with my shoulders because one by one they're constantly being shoved back by people walking past me. It's wild. Older women are the worst because they walk slow but still somehow push with about 1/3 body overlap with yours. Also, their perfume is very strong and sometimes sticks with you for blocks.

This is not a knock on Madrid pedestrians. It is a plea. Stop hitting me. I may look cool and invincible, but I am fragile and I don't like the smell of your perfume.