lost in a warp

I sit here lounging in a flat in Madrid as Gregoire makes some sort of fancy breakfast/brunch that will, once again, make the majority of my college meals look like poop. It's almost silent, minus Gregoire's movement in the kitchen and the scratchy congested breathing of his roommate's small dog in the other room. I'm having one of those moments again... those "What? So I'm really in Madrid? I sort of have a life here? What am I doing? What day is it? Why does this dog like licking my feet so much" moments and usually, I sit patiently or keep busy until it passes. But now, due to a computer being on my lap, I'm writing about it.

I came here for several reasons:

1. To experience something new

2. I had no idea what else to do

3. I got into the program

4. I had no idea what else to do

It's true that now that I'm here, I could not imagine myself anywhere else... This is perfect for me right now. I have time, I have freedom, I have a little bit of money, I have an entire foreign city at my fingertips. And it feels liberating most of the time. But other times it feels odd and overwhelming. When am I supposed to figure things out? Should I finish this year with a plan? Because right now I'm still wandering. And time moves strange here--it changes with your mood. A month is nothing one day, and the next it's time you wasted not finding an internship or a side job. I know this irritating pressure to make something of something that already is something (do you get that? because I feel like that just explained my annoying habit perfectly)...well, it comes only from myself. So I need to shut up and take this experience for what it is: an exploration. Nothing more, nothing less.

Breakfast is ready and the food looks delicious.